Once Calvin Brooks believed he had reached manhood, he navigated life by asking himself one simple question, “What would my father do?”. His father was always one to work hard, be prepared, and above all, do right by everyone. These tenets, however simple, seemed to be the secret formula that made his father successful, and in turn, guided Calvin. So when a problem arose, large or small, he asked himself this. Even in trivial matters which some may not even conceive of as a crossroads, this question came to his mind and his actions bore his reply.
Calvin worked as a banker out of college. Not one on which sordid and disreputable stereotypes are based, but one that his clients could rely on. He believed that making a quick buck was a quick way to ruin your name, and ultimately, your livelihood. Gerald Butler, a local businessman, once came to his office looking for a loan. Calvin knew he would not be able to get him the rate he was hoping for, so he sent Mr. Butler to the bank down the street, telling him he would likely find what he was looking for there. He even offered to call the bank and let them know he was coming and what he was looking for.
When Mr. Butler left Calvin’s office, the Bank Manager came in and reprimanded him, almost to the point of termination until Mr. Butler returned and told him that he would rather have a higher rate with an honest man than a lower rate with a scoundrel. This is how Calvin Brooks became the most successful banker in his district, and by his third year, in his entire region. His clients began to call him a friend more than a partner, and in fact, there weren’t many holiday celebrations that came and went where Calvin wasn’t invited by clients. He would usually make an appearance at the Sullivan Motors Christmas party, and very seldom did he not attend the Lockheed & Phelps Independence Day celebration.
Before the beginning of his fifth year, the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and Calvin served his country in Europe, completing two tours before being injured by some shrapnel from an enemy bombing that sent him home with a Purple Heart and a slight limp. When he returned home his banking job was waiting for him, along with the girl he had been writing letters to while overseas. He financed a home for his new bride with some help from his employer and the G.I. Bill. They lived there for two years before they had their son, Henry.
The steady question that had guided him through life was no longer sufficient. The life of a son, he thought, is not the life of a father. So given his new paternal responsibility, he felt he needed to shift the prism back on himself. From that day on, he navigated life not by asking himself “What would my father do?”, but rather “What choice should I make that will best guide my son, when my son asks himself: what would my father do?”.
Henry was a lively and rambunctious boy. But he knew this is the way that boys had always been and Henry was no worse than even he was at his age. Henry adored his father and mimicked him at every chance. When Calvin mowed the grass, Henry walked beside him pushing a rake. When Calvin got dressed for work in the mornings, Henry helped him adjust the knot in his tie. For breakfast they both ate bacon a bit crispy, but not too much, with a cold glass of milk. And on the rare occasion when Calvin had to discipline Henry, he did so as gently as he could, and he always made sure that Henry understood why.
Calvin worked at the same bank for another five years until he was offered a higher position at another bank, with a higher salary and better benefits like paid time away for vacation. He valued loyalty because it was something his father had always taught him, however his father also taught him that the primary purpose of your occupation is to provide for your family, though you should do it in the most honorable way a man can. And so, in this way, taking the position which would better provide for his family was the right thing to do. That is, after giving the bank the chance to match his new offer. They either chose not to, or could not. Calvin never knew which, he was only told it was not possible.
He stayed with this bank for many years, celebrated success, and saw Henry turn thirteen. Henry had been a model child, excelling in school and sport. He was an Eagle Scout and even volunteered to escort the elderly women home from church on Sunday afternoons after services had concluded. Calvin was proud of the boy he was raising.
But one day after school, Calvin had to sit his son down and tell him that his mother had asked him for a divorce, and that he would not be living in their home any longer. Calvin, wanting to give the best example to his son, showed no sign of sadness and did not contest his wife’s wishes and gave her the divorce and moved out to an apartment across town. He continued to pay for their home, the bills, and any other expense they had, while also paying for his small apartment and putting back anything he could as savings at the end of the month.
He picked up his son every morning for school and got to spend Sundays with him. But over months their relationship began to strain and Henry grew impatient with his father, as all boys do around that age. This, Calvin felt, was driven even more by a growing lack of respect his son now seemed to have for him.
Henry began to get into trouble at school by acting out and being tardy. His father tried to correct this behavior, and was always on time to pick him up so that he would see the importance of education and timeliness. But soon, tardiness was no longer an issue because his son stopped going to school altogether. He would drop his son off, then after he drove away, he would meet his new friends in the parking lot and ride away in their car. Henry began experimenting. First cigarettes, then beer, then hard alcohol. He stayed away for days at a time, and his mother seemed to either not mind or not be aware, as she was mostly away with men that were trying to court her with expensive dinners and strong martinis. Calvin did raise his voice in protest at Henry’s mother one morning because of this, which was the first time Henry had ever seen this behavior in his father. And although it did arouse an inkling of respect, the die had been cast and he felt nothing but resentment for him.
Calvin visited with his own father often, and he offered Calvin what advice he could, but he and his wife had been happily married for forty years and had no experience in these matters. After one visit with his parents, Calvin noticed a handkerchief with a spattering of blood in the wastebasket. He began to make even more frequent visits after that. Two years later, Calvin made a tearful eulogy over his father’s casket. Henry did not attend the funeral.
Calvin was eventually let go from his position at the bank. He had not become any less honest, but a part of his charm and helpfulness had diminished and it bore out in his numbers year after year. He went back to his former employer to ask about a position, but there was none that needed filling, or so he was told.
Eventually he did find a sales job at a used car lot, and while his banking experience translated in some cases, in others it did not. He worked for a man on which sordid and disreputable stereotypes of salesmen were based on. And while this disheartened him, it was the only job he could find that would afford him the ability to keep his ex-wife and son in the lifestyle that they had grown accustomed to being in. He did it as honorably as he could for six months until he was again let go because he would not betray a customer’s trust by selling them a lemon.
He eventually found a job selling cleaning products door to door, and while it was not ideal, he felt it was far from insufferable. He enjoyed being outdoors and talking to people, although his limp slowed him down considerably. Thankfully, his good nature provided him with enough sales to make up for time lost by having to take breaks to rest his leg. He held this job for another ten years, and in this time had only seen Henry a handful of times. The last time, he ran into him at the supermarket and he hardly recognized his own child. He had let his hair grow out and he had a beard and an odd, pungent odor about him. He tried to speak to his son, but Henry rounded the corner and walked out of the store, dropping his shopping basket in the middle of an aisle by the pickle jars.
Calvin lay in his bed most nights reviewing new product lines and prices as to be prepared for the next day of sales, but his thoughts ultimately always ended up thinking back on his life and how the choices he made had shaped it. He always came to the same conclusion; that he tried his best and was the best man he knew how to be, and that if things did not work out while living this way, he could not see how things would have been any better had he chosen differently.
But one night he lay in bed and a different thought crossed his mind. “What if I had not done things as my father had done? What if I had made selfish choices? Would I still have my wife and a son who loves me? Is my son doing what I should have done, and by this, achieving the happiness I was unable to find?” This thought percolated in his brain until he fell asleep, and seemingly while he slept, because the next morning he did not go on his sales route. Instead he went to the last place he heard his son had been staying. He rang the doorbell to the rundown apartment and it buzzed with fervor. A young man in a torn undershirt answered and he held his hand over his face to block the sun from his swollen eyes. Calvin asked for his son and waited on the porch. He saw two kitchen chairs on either side of a small iron rod table. There was a pile of cigarettes in the ashtray on the table, accompanied by a smattering of beer cans. He sat.
“Dad?” Henry said, peeking from around the door.
“Henry” Calvin said, standing.
“What are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to talk to you a minute. If that’s alright?”
“How did you know where I live?”
“Small town. Word gets around, I guess. Would you sit?”
Henry lifted an eyebrow and stalled for a moment, but then came out onto the porch and sat and searched around the table for a pack of cigarettes with any left in it. He found one and lit it and blew out a stream of smoke over his father’s left shoulder. Calvin coughed and waved his hand to deflect the cloud.
“So what do you want?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking. And I thought maybe I owed you an apology.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes” he said as he shifted in his chair and ruffled the cuff of his pant leg.
“I know that things were hard after your mother and I separated…”
“Divorced.”
“Yes. Of course. After your mother and I divorced.”
“And?”
“And, well, I thought I was doing the right thing by you…and by her…but maybe I wasn’t. Or didn’t.”
“Okay.”
Henry rattled each beer can on the table until he found a heavy one. He picked it up and smelled it and began to drink it.
“You have another one of those for your old man?”
“For you?”
“Yes.”
“You’ve never had a beer before in your entire life.”
“That’s true. But, there is a first time for everything” he said with a smile.
“Was there anything else you wanted?”
“Well, no. Or, yes. I just wanted to say, I’m sorry. And to say I hope you can find a way to forgive me one day. But it’s okay if you can’t. And that I love you.”
Calvin waited for a response, but Henry just sat and smoked and looked at his father.
“Alright. Well, if that’s all then I’m going to go back to bed” Henry said.
He stood up and downed the last of the warm beer and threw the can in the corner which had become an aluminum graveyard. He stifled a belch and turned towards the door.
“Ok. Well, maybe I could come by again sometime?” Calvin said as he stood.
“I’m moving pretty soon.”
“Oh, where to?”
“Look, thanks for coming and all, but I’m tired.” He nodded at his father.
“Yes, of course. You go rest up.”
Henry walked inside and Calvin heard the television playing until it was muffled by the front door slamming shut. Calvin sat back down in the chair, trying to collect his thoughts. He realized after a few moments that he would not be able to, so he got up and walked down the stairs and onto the sidewalk.
Cars passed by as he walked and birds surely sang, but he did not notice them if they did. He only felt a thickness in his belly. He walked down streets and up alleyways and along little roads until he came to a park. There he found a bench and sat in the sun. He sat there with a glaze for some time until he felt the wind tickle his neck. Then he looked around. He saw mothers pushing strollers and children playing tag. There were dogs being led by their owners and rabbits hiding in bushes, and a ladybug walking along the toe of his shoe. He smelled honeysuckles and cut grass, and heard what sounded to him like an owl, even though it was nearing midday.